The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
