In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
