i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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