How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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