i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize