I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
