I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
