Do you still have your period?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
