everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
