If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize