dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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