Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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