You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
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slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
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I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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