My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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