she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
