Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
