waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
