FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
