This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize