i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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