Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
