it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
