it was like eating out sand paper
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
