I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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