Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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