The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
