I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
