Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
