I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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