clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
