i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
3 2 1 whiskey
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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