Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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