now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
