Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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