I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
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I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
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So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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