so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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