So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize