Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
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After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
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I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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