you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
