how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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