I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
