Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
