The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
it's like heaven, but drunker
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
