I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
