i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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