I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
