just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
