When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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