Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
