ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Who died my cat blue again?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
