she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
