Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
