You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
