I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
