I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
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Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
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do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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