The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
