So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize