he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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