so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
