You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
cat food counts as protein by the way
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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