It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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