Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
