it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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