Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
