I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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