My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
