Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
