apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
