I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
