Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just pee around me
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
