we have officially mastered the walk of shame
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
