Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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