Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
