i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
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Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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