Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
found the other keg... it's in the tree
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
