well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
