Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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