Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
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She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize